Bad Blood (Mit Moon) (2010)

Hong Kong

95 mins.
Directed by Dennis Law
Starring: Bernice Liu, Andy On, Simon Yam, Suet Lam

It will always remain true for Asian cinema that even if the story sucks, the action will usually be pretty nifty (except for Princess Blade). Speak of the devil, here comes Bad Blood! But wait, before you go thinking this is just another excuse for fight scenes, I'm here to tell you that what actually happens in the movie is so ridiculous and trashy that watching the epileptic plot unfold is like opening a really crappy present to find there's actually a halfway cool present hidden inside.

Oh man, where do I even start? Barring a flow chart, a shady criminal patriarch is executed for counterfeiting (Really? Wow.) and his Jerry Springer-esque family is jonesing for the whole control pie and not just a piece. There's the awkwardly incestual brother and sister (the sickeningly gorgeous Bernice Liu), hot-tempered underboss Funky (the always great Simon Yam) and black sheep and big-birthmarked Calf (Andy On) and his mute gal pal Dumby (only in China, folks). There's plenty more in the family and rest assured, they're all jerks. 

Before the dead boss's will can be carried out, family members start getting whacked faster than anyone can say "where the hell is this going?" You're actually supposed to be in the dark about who the bad bad killer is until the reveal, but there's a scene involving the death of one of the family members that pretty much gives you the identity of the killer way before the reveal. It's almost like the filmmakers are saying "Ah, never mind. Here's the real killer. Enjoy. You're welcome. Don't tell the real idiots about this."  

So that's the basic plot. Find the killer before everyone's dust. Kind of. Turns out Calf and especially Dumby are handy with kung fu. Huh. Actually everyone here knows kung fu, even the old pervert Brother Zen (Wai-Man Chan), who looks like the Chinese version of Whispers from Hoodlum. The person you think is the real bad guy is so far off from being the killer it's almost an insult to you when they're dispatched like a chump. Suet Lam shows up for five seconds playing the family attorney. Characters get detailed backstories then get killed awkwardly. Family members spout off gems before getting offed, like "I should have killed you when you were a child!" 

Eventually, you're left to root for no one except the fight coreographer and his stunt team. Well, that's not true. There is one character who emerges to save the day. But that develops so late in the game and the ending is such a flick in the nuts that you pretty much have no choice but to smile and say "Well, I guess that's the only way they could really end it."

Was it? Was it really?

Director Dennis Law is also responsible for Womb Ghosts. The answers to your questions after seeing that title are "Yes" and "Soon."

lMC