The Tournament (2009)

UK

95 mins.

Directed by Scott Mann

Starring: Ving Rhames, Kelly Hu, Robert Carlyle, Ian Somerhalder, Scott Adkins

Here is a film that delivers on exactly what it promises: unapologetic, bloody, chaotic assassin action. No pretenses, no needless subtext, no preachy anti-violence nonsense. There's no room for any of that in a film like this. Bring on the assassins? Boy, do they ever. 

 Every seven years, the underworld holds a championship-caliber battle to the death tournament of assassins with millions of dollars at stake. I guess having one every year would seriously thin the talent pool something fierce.

There's a story in here, as in any respectable major sporting event. Ving Rhames is the world's top assassin but retires after said tournament because he is far too badass for anyone to handle. Why haven't they bottled his pheromones to sell as "Man God: The Scent" yet? Seven years later he resurfaces in the next tournament after someone kills his wife. Naturally, he thinks that someone in the tournament did the killing.

Ving Rhames is a god disguised as a man destroying everything in his path. Plus there's Scott Adkins as a crazy Russian, Kelly Hu as the token sexy assassin and even a parkour guy thrown in for good measure.

Of course, the only true downside to the whole thing is the filmmakers' need to throw in Robert Carlyle as a priest accidentally caught in the crossfire. They mistakenly thought that people looking for a good assassin flick also needed a "good guy" to ground the film and give it some morals. No thanks. Carlyle is a great actor, but his character is only effective in getting in the way of all the insane action surrounding him.

There's also Ian Somerhalder as a psychopathic cowboy killer that I wished had a bigger part in the movie; he was a fantastically evil villain. Just to be sure, he shoots a dog. Cheap heel heat, but still effective. His shotgun shootout in a strip club is close-quarters violence at its finest.

There's so much mayhem in this movie, I was looking to make sure it wasn't filmed on another planet or in another dimension. Action of this kind deserves a theatrical release. Rest assured, if you are on the fence about this movie because it wasn't released in theaters or some other canned excuse, do not fret because this little puppy will blow your skirt up six ways from Sunday.

Let the tournament begin, indeed.

lMC